the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
