He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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