I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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