Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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