You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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