Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
