I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize