I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
