PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
