i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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