3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
