no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
