lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
