He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
