Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
