I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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