You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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