from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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