I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
