Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
