wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize