Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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