She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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