Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You don't make any sense
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