You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
