Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
