My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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