in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
