I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
