Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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