I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
