sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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