You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
