Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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