if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
