So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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