you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize