Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
