I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
