I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
