So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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