the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
