you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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