ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
