Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
