We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
