wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
