i wish my penis had a tongue
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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