he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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