Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My vagina is officially offended.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
