We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I enjoy the company of your penis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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