He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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