Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I want a musical about memes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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