theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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