not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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