we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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