hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
