I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
