everyone is single if you try hard enough
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
