Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
