I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
