thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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