... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
