Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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