bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
