How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
