I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
