I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
