I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
