Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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