She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
